Do You?

Do you know what it's like to know loads of people and simultaneously be lonely? It's like no inner circle exists. No one who's close to me. No one to share my thoughts with. No one who cares about what I'm thinking. No one that I can care for. No one to just shoot the breeze and talk about life with. Do you know what it's like?

Leadership Pains

I have been so hurt tonight. A fellow leader whom I also consider to be a close friend, backed out of our ministry. This kinda stuff just plain stings. You know, as a young minister, your all gung ho over doing ministry and the sky looks like it has no limit. But then so after, reality sets in. Your dealing with other human being with problems and lives of their own. You really want to be running forward full fledged with like minded individuals who are also good friends. So when their problems or lives get in the way of them continuing, it hurts. You know, you can pour into other leaders until your face turns blue. You can do everything right. But at the end of the day, those leaders can always walk away. I'm not talking about walking away from the faith. But just walking away from their commitment to lead.

You see, I take it very personally when these kind of things happen. I just want to be a really good leader. I want people to one day say good things about me when it comes to my leadership. I don't believe this is a sinful desire either. If Im called to be a leader then I should want to be the best possible. As I have been dealing with all this, I remembered Jesus. Now I am not by any means equating myself with Jesus. But I can certainly learn from His example. Was Jesus a bad leader? No! He was and is the best leader to ever walk this earth. And still, he had a disciple who was fake and there for the wrong reasons and other disciples who were chickens and left Him high and dry when the going got really tough. Disciples who just never really got it. No matter how much Jesus poured into these guys they would still do and say such foolish things. So if these kind of leadership issues weren't foreign to Jesus, then I shouldn't be surprised when I encounter the same thing.

This has been a huge encouragement for me. I can cry to the one who has experienced what I am experiencing. I don't have a God who is high and lofty to the point where He doesn't understand what I'm going through. Rather I have the God who became like one of His creation in order to relate to them. And then He died for us to make an end to this suffering. Rose again and now lives and interacts with His people through the gift of His Spirit. He has never left His people and never will. This is a great, loving, caring God.

Preaching the gospel to myself day by day by day.

My Life

So lately I have been going through a lot of stress. Now understand this, I've been going through this for a while. But I don't ever complain to people about my stress. I honestly thank God that He has given me a big perspective type of personality. I'm not saying it works perfectly, by any means, but just that it exists. Every time I want to complain, I think of how much worse things could be and are for other people around this world. For instance, all the things I am stressed out about doesn't compare to what people are suffering over in Japan right now or even in Africa. So I am in no way ignorant of their sufferings or impartial to them. Let's all please pray for them.

With all that said, I believe that I can still legitimately say that I have issues I'm dealing with. I have this overwhelming, annoying and downright irritating knowledge that I have unfinished business with my first school, Liberty University. After never attending college, I set out to achieve my degree in the Bible from LU. But I quit only a year in. And not for many good reasons to tell the truth. I love what God has shown me since then and how He has used me to serve Him. But after a couple of years removed, I sense that I need to finish what I began. There are a lot of other variables in place so I don't know what that means yet. But through prayer and the Holy Spirit's leading, I am sure I will know eventually.

Until then I shall serve the Lord where I'm at and not give in to the feelings of failure and loneliness.

It's been a While!

I have not blogged on here in a long time as you can tell from the dates on my previous posts. But, this is my blog! I have revived it and will be taking good care of it for now on, lol. As you can see I have decorated. :)

To kick this off, I have decided to show this amazing interview. RC Sproul is choppin it up with DA Carson about Biblical exegesis! Wow, I could listen to these guys all day. Welcome fly, here is your wall.

AMAZING GRACE!

Let's not be shallow

The throne of heavenly grace

“The nearest place to the gate of heaven is the throne of the heavenly grace. Much alone, and you will have much assurance; little alone with Jesus, your religion will be shallow, polluted with many doubts and fears, and not sparkling with the joy of the Lord. Since the soul-enriching path of prayer is open to the very weakest saint; since no high attainments are required; since you are not bidden to come because you are an advanced saint, but freely invited if you be a saint at all; see to it, dear reader, that you are often in the way of private devotion. Be much on your knees, for so Elijah drew the rain upon famished Israel’s fields.”

- Charles Spurgeon

My thoughts from the book of joy